About Anger Management
It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a better understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are subject to explode when their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.
Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.
Assertiveness on the other hand, is a very effective method of showing your feelings to someone else without causing injury, havoc or argument. Assertiveness is a strong, bold confident quality, which we have within us to help us to defend our rights when others are trying to do us wrong. If you learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness you will learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of your life and avoiding further problems.
Therefore, if you are feeling frustrated, you may want to sit yourself down and review your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that get you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger rising; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.
Assertive action against an individual that has wronged you, can prove more effective than blowing a fuse. We can see in an example, how one person loses his temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.
For example, a couple of friends are in the middle of an an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police arrive, both parties are put in handcuffs and both are lead off to jail. Their problems have increased because they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.
Now let’s look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. Two friends are talking to each other after one person has spread lies around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and asks, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he’s not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.
‘Just because I am drinking every time you come by my home doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I won’t let you to continue putting me down and nor will I allow you to visit my house again, if you keep telling lies about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove successful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I am concerned about you. However, I am still worried that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I come around to your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.